Tuesday, February 12th was one year to the day from the evening my parents drove me to the local Urgent Care clinic because I couldn't breathe. I'd stuck it out for a couple months, and finally determined I couldn't take it anymore. Several different scans and tests later, the doctor informed us that I had Large B-cell, Mediastinal Lymphoma...a fancy name for a very rare form of cancer - most commonly found in women ages 18-30. I was 18.
One year later, I sat in my doctor's office, waiting for him to come in with the results of the scan that day. I wasn't nervous, but I was very ready to get the results and get out of there. Six chemotherapy treatments, and four scans later, plus the visit and scan at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN - I was more than ready to be done with hospitals and doctors. As anticipated, by Faith, the results were clear, and a few minutes later, we were on our way.
As you would expect, the diagnosis of cancer changes a person, especially at eighteen, with a full life ahead of them. No one expects to get cancer, and it always seems wrong to us. But a young adult, just on the brink of everything life holds for them - we feel violated, somehow. Like the world owes us something now. But I have observed over the years that when God said he wouldn't give us more than we could bear - He wasn't kidding. He also didn't mean that we would be able to handle everything on our own. Rather, the point was that He would be our strength, so that it doesn't matter what we encounter along the way, we're covered.
I've had many people ask me how I've been able to deal with this so well. I didn't cry, or panic, or deny when the doctor came in with the results of the tests. Partially because I knew, going into it, that it was bad. Call it a gut feeling, call it a hunch, call it a clue from the Holy Spirit - I knew Sunday night that if I stayed home and tried to sleep, it would most likely end very badly for me. So I knew that this was no simple fix. But it was more than that. I was filled and covered with a holy peace all through the week I spent in the hospital, and even beyond, into treatment. Was it hard? Yes. There were days I was convinced it was more than I could do. But then someone would call, or text, and remind me that I had more support than I could have ever dreamed of.
Someone asked me once, early on in this journey, 'Why you?' and they were angling towards the injustice. Why would the 'universe' pick on me? Why was I the victim? And one night, while I was laying in the hospital bed, wide awake at 4am thanks to the medication I was on, I typed up a response to that question. The conclusion was, essentially, why not? Why not me? Why should I expect that this would happen to anyone but me? I'm a people-person. I love to network with people. The more people I can affect with my daily life, the better. Which, quite frankly, makes me the perfect person for this. Because God is about so much more than just one person. Yes, He had lesson after lesson to teach me through this - but I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that He had lessons for many, many other people around me. I've already seen Him working in the lives of my friends any family, and I expect to continue to see it in the coming months and years.
So where am I going from here? Well, that's a tricky question with a simple answer. The answer is - I don't know yet. I don't have a career in mind, nor do I even have a job at this point. I have a few possibilities, and few things I'm praying about, but nothing is set in stone. All I know for sure is that whatever I do, where ever I do it - I want to be making a difference in lives. Because Jesus is about people, and He's about their lives. The world around us is important, but he's about lives. And that's what I'm making my life mission. Lives.
No comments:
Post a Comment